Trust. Wow...how many of you have an issue with trust? I do. A MAJOR one. One so big that I don't know how to even analyze it! So if you have an issue with trust...maybe you should stick around and read this one :)
It was sometime in the 80's I believe...my mom was getting ready to go on a date. I didn't understand why she needed to go! I wanted her home with ME. She was young and I was even younger. She NEEDED to go out and date, and I didn't understand that. So she made a deal with me. She said she would bring me back a cheeseburger when she returned home. So what did I do? I patiently waited, and waited, and waited for her to come back. Then I saw the car outside the house! I was soooo exctited! My mother has returned!! And on top of that...she said she would come back with a cheeseburger!! Yipppeeee! I was so excited I could barely contain myself! She walked in the door and I ran up to her and asked "Did you bring my cheeseburger????" I don't remember much from this point except hearing "no...I forgot..." and the rest went silent! lol This was the FIRST time I remember ever feeling like I couldn't trust. My mom is probably laughing as she's reading this. It was from a long time ago, but as a child I held on to that broken promise and applied it to every promise anyone ever made me until I was in my teens and my mom finally talked about it. Seems silly doesn't it? Well, sadly it's not. A lot of us are holding onto feelings of hurt and we are unable to move past them b/c we haven't properly dealt with them. Thank God my mother and I moved past this YEARS ago and now have a beautiful and healthy relationship.
But sadly not all of my relationships have fairytale endings. Well, not when TRUST is the issue. Lets go back to August 2006. I had JUST gotten out of a realtionship with someone that I had been with for 5 years off and on. I had trust issues already built up, and when him and I finally called it quits...those issues came pouring into my life once again. Not only was I dealing with trust, but I was dealing with insecurities I had allowed to build up in me. So what did I do? Well the most logical thing a young 22 year old can do...I fell right into another relationship. This one lead to a quick engagement after just a few months, then a marriage a few months after that (a destination wedding with just the two of us in Hawaii). I thought by getting married all those trust issues would go away. It made so much sense, two people making the ultimate commitment to one another...there's no way trust would be an issue. Not in a marriage! LOL yeah...sadly that marriage ended just two and a half short years later.
What's my point? Well, that your trust issues will follow you and haunt you and ruin every good relationship you could possibly have! I'd love to say that I found the secret formula for learning how to let go of certain issues but I haven't. All I know is this...that every time I pray, and every time I hand over my problems to God...He takes them from me and I feel peace. I feel peace until I stupidly take them back! Why would I ever take them back? Well, that's easy...b/c who would I be without the trust issues I have built up around me? So many of us are afraid to live and let go...I know I am. So it's a DAILY dose of prayers that help me stay leveled...and when I stop...when I turn away thinking I have this under control...well, that's when I'm quickly reminded that there's only one true God, and He is the only one who can heal hearts and repair the trust that has been broken in our lives. So keep praying! Keep having faith that God has your life under control...and you too will see with your own eyes the miracle that is Him!
Love you all!
<3<3<3
